On Love, and The Top 7 Things Your Single Friends Do Not Want to Hear

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I should prob try that

 

 

The title of this here little blog is 'Live, Love, Run'.  I pretty much talk about my life ad nauseam and there's always mention of running thrown in there too, but you may have noticed there hasn't been much talk of love lately.  I mean, I wish that weren't the case, but there hasn't been much to report in that area.  I haven't been doing much dating lately.  There have been some attempts and some dates here and there but nothing exciting to report. 

 

Also I've abandoned Tinder.  Here's a tip: If you want to see where 95% of your city's misogynists hang out, go on Tinder.  I guess I knew going in that it was pretty much a s*itshow and I can definitely confirm for you that is the case!  Additionally, I just read this article yesterday that states if you want to upgrade to Tinder's new premium version they are going to charge double the price if you are over 30!?!?  First of all, I'd never pay for Tinder, but second and more importantly, age discrimination much?!  I thought I couldn't hate Tinder any more but I officially do.  #boycottingforlife

 

Dating is definitely harder in your 30's for many reasons.  The big one for me is that just about all of my friends/family/sisters/relatives are years deep into their marriages and have kids and families of their own.  [I have participated in, attended and planned more bridal showers, bachelorette parties, weddings and baby showers than I can count.  My closet legit looks like Katherine Heigl's in '27 Dresses'.]  This significantly reduces not only the time I spend with them, but the possibility that they have any single friends with which I can mingle!  When we were in our 20's we were all in the same boat - going out, having fun pretty much any time we wanted, and there were lots of single people in the mix.  That just isn't the case anymore.  People are either spending massive amounts of time at their job, or they're at home with their kids and families.

Today I'm going to run down a list of some of the most overused and clichéd pieces of advice I've been given over the years.  If you're single, you've probably heard a bunch of these and rolled your eyes too.  If you're not single, and you're tempted to say any of these things to someone who is, I'd advise against it.  We really can't bear to hear them one more time!

1.  Have you tried online dating? 
This one usually comes from relatives in their 60's and/or people in relationships who have never once tried online dating.  Yes, we've tried online dating.  Anyone who is single in this day and age has tried online dating, and NEWSFLASH it's not some magic pill for finding the love of your life.  It may work for some people but not for everyone.  Do I think everyone is and should be a runner?  No.  There are many different ways to exercise just as there are many different ways to meet people.  Online dating is not the be-all, end-all. 

2.  It'll happen when you least expect it.
Oh I love this one. What does this even mean?! Do you even know what you're saying?  I haven't expected it for years and nothing ever happened.  So I just disproved your tried-and-true theory.

3.  You're not putting yourself out there enough.
Again, what does this mean?! I work, I go to the gym, I hang out with YOU, my friends, my family. I travel. I am not a hermit living under a rock.  Ohhhhh, perhaps you meant I need to 'let it all hang out' and dress more provocatively? Gotcha.  I'll try that.  That's probably a good look for a nanny.

4.  You're not trying hard enough.
Really?  I find this one to be particularly judgmental.  Most of the people I know who say this met their significant other/husband/etc in the normal course of their life.  They didn't have to go through the trials of online dating, blind dates, etc that we do now.  And honestly, I don't follow the school of belief that says dating is just a 'numbers game', ie. the more people you date, the more likely you are to find the love of your life.  If I go out and buy 100 lottery tickets, I'm just as likely to win as the guy who just bought 1.  I know people who barely dated at all and got married young and there are people out there who are serial daters and still not settled down.  The number of people you date really is not relevant.  Would you ever tell someone who was trying to conceive that perhaps they're just not TRYING hard enough?  No?  That would be insensitive and inappropriate, you say? Well, I agree and it's not appropriate here either, so zip it.

5.  You'll get married if you want to.
Ummmmmm, I want to win the lottery.  Like I really, really want to win. Do you think that will happen too?!  Or did you  mean I should consider becoming a mail-order bride because that's a sure thing??  This is another one that doesn't even make any sense.  Just don't.

6.  You're not in the right time/place/etc in your life.
Hmmm.  What exactly is the right place and when will it be the right time?  Cause if you could give me a roadmap or timeline that would be really helpful.  I don't like this one because it implies that we're currently doing something WRONG with our lives and until we figure out what, it's just not going to happen.  So not only are all my dating attempts futile in this current time/place, but now I also have to try to solve some kind of riddle as to what I should actually be doing/living in order to attract a mate.

7.  It'll happen when it's supposed to.
Cliché.  Vague.  Not helpful.  Pretty much meaningless and a waste of words.


I wanted to make this a Top 10 list because it sounded cooler but I couldn't think of 3 more at the current moment!  There are probably a ton I've forgotten or missed here.  Believe me, I've been the recipient of a lot of these over the years.  But the point I'm trying to make is that when we're feeling lonely, or hopeless, or frustrated, we just want to be heard, and listened to.  We don't want to be blamed, or judged, or hear clichéd statements that have no meaning.  Just try being the friend we know you are and listen without telling us that it's our fault.  If you're lucky, we might not make the bridesmaid dresses for our future wedding THAT hideous :)

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Exactly what I plan on doing

 

 

 

If you're single, have you heard any of these?!  How do you respond?

 

If you're attached, what do you say to your single friends?