Tuesday, November 24, 2015

When the World Stops Spinning

It's apparent I've been MIA around here for a couple of weeks.  Maybe you noticed, and maybe you didn't!  But my cat's been sick and I just didn't feel like writing.  I don't even feel much like writing now but thought I'd check in and let you know I'm still alive.

It all started off so innocuously.  I took my cat into the vet last weekend for what I believed was a minor cough, and what I thought would be a simple diagnosis. They took chest x-rays and that's when they saw it.  A mass.

I heard the C word and then I lost it.  I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out at the same time.  My world stopped spinning.

I brought him home and then I cried all weekend.  ALL weekend.  Nothing else matters when someone you love gets that diagnosis.  Nothing.  An ultrasound yesterday confirmed the tumor.  We are still waiting on a biopsy which will be performed next week but in any case, it's not good. 

I'm sad every time I look at him, thinking there's something inside his body that's slowly killing him and there's nothing I can do. 

Why my cat???

I cry in the car and in the shower sometimes, when no one's around.  I cry when I look at him and see how thin he's becoming, wondering why I didn't notice anything sooner.  I cry often when I lie down at night. 

I don't know how I'll watch him go through this. 

How do you explain what's happening to a cat?  I don't know. 
How will I explain to his brother what's happened to his very best friend in the world.  I don't know.  How will I pretend that what's happening to him isn't killing me inside?  I won't.  

Tomorrow I leave to spend the holiday in ATL surrounded by family.  I'll board my plane and pretend my world's still spinning, and that my heart isn't breaking into a million little pieces.

And that's all I have to say about that. 






I realize this post is a HUGE downer and I'm sorry.  But that's what's been going on.  If you've ever had a pet with a terminal illness, I'd love to hear what you did, how you dealt with it, and how you helped them through it.

Wherever you are spending the holidays and whomever you are with, love them and hug them and tell them.  You never know how much time you have left.

18 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry love. Just know that I am a fellow cat mommy and I'm here if you need to talk.

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    1. Thanks Susie. These last few weeks have been terrible. He's going downhill fast and there's nothing I can do. I've cried more in the past 3 weeks than I have in the past 3 years. Thanks for your sweet offer to reach out too

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  2. I am so, so sorry. Just reading this made me cry. I wish I had some quick fix but when our family cat passed away a few years ago it took time, (it's been about 5 years) and now I look back and laugh at his goofiness and don't miss him the same way (I don't tear up thinking about him anymore, it's more that happy type of memory). As much as it's hard to do, enjoy your time with him! Spend extra time, let him eat special treats, give him extra loving - in the end that'll help you both. <3

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    1. Thank you so much. I'm sorry it made you cry. I was crying typing it. I've pretty much been crying nonstop since I found out. I am trying to focus on the present but my mind keeps skipping ahead to when I'm going to have to make that terrible decision. He's lost so much weight and I think he knows something's terribly wrong. It's just heartbreaking to watch him go downhill.

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  3. I'm so sorry. I've never had cats, but have had a few dogs get sick and it's so sad. Your right, they don't know whats going on. The most important thing is to show them love so they can go peacefully...

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    1. Thank you so much. It's so terribly difficult to watch him decline and waste away like this. I wish there was more I could do. Thank you for your kind words

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    1. Thank you so much for understanding. As a fellow pet owner I'm sure you fear the end of their lives as much as I do. It's so terribly heartbreaking to watch them go through this.

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  5. Pets are family! I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty :( I grew up with 3 cats and I remember when my eldest, at the tender age of 17, went from perfectly healthy to just awful in a matter of a week. The decision to end her pain was a really tough one, we all felt so guilty. But we were grateful that she'd had such a happy life full of balls of yarn and destroyed mice. :)

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    1. Thank you so much for understanding Sabrina. They are absolutely my family. It's so sad because pets are so loving and so innocent. There's no way to explain to them what is happening.

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  6. Give Mikey lots of cuddles from us. I wish there was something we could do to help him. You're a great mommy to him and just keep loving on him!

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    1. Thanks Lee. I'll tell him his Aunt Lisa says Hi and is praying for him.

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  7. I'm so sorry you're going through this :,(

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    1. Thanks Lesle. This is just terrible and heartbreaking. I wish I could save him.

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  8. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this :(

    Jen@Jpabstfitness.com

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    1. Thank you for your kind words Jen. I wish I could save him from this.

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  9. I am so sorry to hear this. I had such a hard time when we had to put our dog down. It so sucks.

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