Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Getting Real...

The past few days have been a roller coaster of chaos for me.  I had a few other posts lined up but today I feel like I can finally breathe and I just wanted to get some thoughts down on paper (or internet?).  This may be rambling and may involve some feelings so if you're not interested, just skip on down to the cute video I posted at the end to make up for all this stuff up top :)

The craziness of the past few days was due in part to:  Getting back into the swing of things after the holidays; me overextending myself (classic); starting a new job; a few personal things weighing on my mind; some important business I had to take care of; and to top it all off, a surgery for one of my cats.  All this in the span of a few days.  Finally, after getting home this evening, I literally collapsed on my sofa with my cat (who's now home and doing great!).  After the most intense power nap ever and a shower, I woke up refreshed and feeling a lot better about many things.  Truth:  I also slept through Body Pump.  But instead of feeling like I 'had to' work out (you should really never feel like that - exercise should make you feel good), I listened to my body and today became a much need spontaneous rest day.  I mean, my body just literally passed out as if to say 'Enough!'.  Doing what feels right has been one of my mantras for the past year and I almost let that get away from me these past few days...and I can't really put my finger on why.

I have a tendency to worry.  I know full well that worrying serves no purpose.  Worry takes up space in your mind without paying rent.  Worry never solves problems.  But being an introvert means I often have extensive inner dialogue.  Sometimes this is great!  It allows me to be creative, to think things through, to express myself through writing, to be more in tune with my intuition and most of all to have incredible dreams.  But it also allows my mind to wander and create worst-case scenarios. 


Over the past few years, I've become more aware when my thoughts start straying towards worry and try to steer them back in a positive direction.  It doesn't always work, even though time and again I see that the outcome of whatever I was worrying about turned out better than my worries predicted! 
The past few days I had so many commitments, I didn't even have any time off over the weekend.  If you know anything about classic care for introverts, a key piece is that they require some down time and alone time, because its when we recharge our batteries and process our thoughts and experiences.  [If you're interested in reading about introverts vs. extroverts, this is a great article:  7 Persistent Myths about Introverts and Extroverts.]
I didn't have any of this for days and had this underlying worry about my cat's surgery quietly lingering in the background.  Monday morning came, and when I finally had to leave my cat at the vet and go home without him, I just broke down.  I got in the car and the tears just came.
I am usually pretty strong but suddenly I just felt very alone.  I wanted there to be someone with me to tell me everything was going to be alright.  Sometimes I think because I am alone that I need to have the strength of two people.  That because there is no partner beside me, I need to be even stronger.  Pretty silly idea huh?  I've read that it is important to show our weakness because that is the only way we can invite others in so that's what I'm doing.
Sometimes I'm perfectly fine being alone but there are other times, like these past few days, where I just wished there was someone there to comfort me.  I know I can be alone, that I can survive and thrive and take care of myself without someone else.  I have been doing this for many years, but sometimes, I just wish I had someone else to share life experiences with - both good and bad.  Life is just hard sometimes when you're alone.  I guess if you're single you can relate and if you're attached or married, you're probably thinking 'Oh lord, I'd love just 5 minutes to myself!' Ha!  A tale of the grass is always greener I suppose.
I don't really know where I was going with this post other than to say, I felt weak and alone these past few days.  It's not something I like to admit but I'm putting it out there. I feel a lot better today.  After my nap, I caught the season premiere of Girls onDemand which was exactly what I needed.  It had so many hysterical lines my stomach was actually clenched in fits of laughter at points.  And the icing on the cake is that my cat doesn't even seemed phased by his surgery any more.  In fact, many of the things I was worrying about the past few days turned out better than I could have predicted.  I guess the Big Guy is really looking out for me :)
So there you have it.  I am weak sometimes, but that's what makes me human.
And now for your enjoyment - the cutest video I came across this weekend: 
Watch as a little girl meets her dad's identical twin for the first time.  MIND BLOWN!

How about you?  Do you ever feel alone?  How do you cope?

Are you a worrier?  How do you get your thoughts back on track?


  1. I'm sorry things have been so overwhelming lately. I've felt similar and had a mini-meltdown on Sunday when I thought I had gotten things done early, but ended up "going" all day again. Too much on my plate for sure!!

    And thanks for the link to that article - I have always thought I was an extrovert, but noticed recently that I really do need that quiet/recharge time. Looks like you can be a blend of the two!

    1. Thanks Heather. Why is it we feel the need to 'overschedule' our lives? Always seems like a good idea until the meltdown! I'm sorry the same thing happened to you...hopefully the past week has slowed down a bit for you.