Scariest Childhood Memories /// Happy Halloween!

Today's post is not going to be your typical 'This is what I'm wearing/doing/where I'm partying for Halloween' type post.  Truth be told, it's been several years since I've dressed up and gone out partying on Halloween, I mean, I'm getting kinda OLD for that! Hahahaha.  The last Halloween on record that I can recall dressing up for was 4 or 5 years ago when I was part of a couple.  We made our own costumes and went as a blue and red Lego.  The costumes came out pretty darn good if I do say so myself:

Growing up, my aunt was a great seamstress and very crafty so she often made most of our Halloween costumes for us.  Loved them.  I'd like to believe that one day when I have kids, I'll still have the energy and stamina to make unique costumes for them, instead of grabbing something off the rack at Target but who knows. I'll probably be so sleep deprived that cutting 2 holes in a bed sheet will have to do!

Ok, moving on.  So, in the spirit of Halloween, I thought I'd share some scary childhood memories of mine with you.  I always love when bloggers share random facts and lists about themselves because I get to know them better so I thought, what's better than letting you see the most personally terrifying/shameful/regretful moments of my life?! Well, for you nothing.  For me, pretty much anything.  Oh well, what's the loss of a little (a lot) personal pride every now and then.  ENJOY friends!

1.  Watching 'The Shining' as a young child (prob 7 or 8 years old?!).  This movie scarred me for life.  I have no idea what my parents were thinking allowing a young elementary age kid to watch a movie like this?! I remember not really understanding the movie at the time but it terrified me nonetheless.  Nightmares for WEEKS.  To this day, I can't watch even a second of that movie without feeling sick inside.  Even just that trademark picture of Jack Nicholson (who, come on, is already a fairly whacked out person to begin with) peering through the door is enough to spin me into panic mode.  If you ever want to torture me, strap me to a chair, put The Shining on TV, and watch me perish.

2.  Any and every time my sister or friends convinced me to go into a haunted house or haunted woods experience. I absolutely hate all of them.  Especially the ones where people pop out and then proceed to CHASE you down with a chainsaw or bloody knife.  Sometimes, I would convince myself that it would be fun, and would IMMEDIATELY regret that decision the second I was inside. Too late Bean!

3.  That time my neighbor convinced me to walk out onto the ROOF of her house.  I was in kindergarten (possibly younger).  This experience wasn't so scary for me, as it was for my mom.  We had a troublemaker in our neighborhood growing up that was older than us, and she would always convince us to do dangerous things.  Well, this time she told me it was perfectly acceptable to climb out her bedroom window onto the roof.  Someone alerted my mother, who came out onto the street only to find her 5 year old spawn standing on the edge of the neighbor's roof.  One of the zillion times us kids gave my mom a heart attack.  I'm actually surprised she survived raising 3 wild girls.  She's a strong one, that lady!

4.  My first day of public school.  I went to Catholic school until 5th grade and then my parents switched all of us over to public school (it just became too expensive to have 3 kids in private school!).  Worst day of my life.  Imagine leaving all the friends and the only environment you've ever known since you started school and starting over as the 'new kid'.  By that time, everyone in public school had lifelong friends, and it was like trying to break through an impenetrable web.  That was a rough year.

5.  That time I saw a ghost in my aunt's house.  I believe in ghosts, just like I believe that we are all just souls living out a human experience.  (Who knows, maybe I'll be a ghost one day?!)  But if you don't believe in ghosts then I guess this one won't scare you!  My aunt lived in an old house in an old section of the city that of course, was undoubtedly once just fields and farmland, like the rest of the country.  From time to time she would 'see' previous inhabitants.  She was the fun aunt, so us kids would often have sleepovers at her house.  Well, on one such occasion I got up in the middle of the night and wanted to go upstairs to her room.  Except that when I got to the steps, there was a young farm boy making his way down them!  I can only remember being absolutely frozen with fear momentarily and then RUNNING back to my pull out bed in the living room.  I never saw him again after that.  I'm sure he was just looking for a friend his age, but when he realized I was scared I guess he was sweet enough to keep his distance :)

6.  And finally, that time I worked up the courage to ask my high school crush to prom....AND HE SAID NO!!!!!!!!!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  That's what you get for being a feminist I guess.  Oh well, my friends and I still had fun at prom, sans boys.  Who needs them anyway?!

And there you have it, a sampling of some of the most terrifying moments of my childhood and adolescence.  Plenty more where that came from, but I think that's enough for today!


In the spirit of Halloween, if you've not yet seen this viral video, please enjoy Spider Dog:




And on a completely unrelated note, I've decided I haven't been doing enough core work lately, so I'm vowing to plank for at least 1 minute every day in the month of November.  Who's with me?!?!  You can certainly do MORE than 1 minute (I mean you could go all Suzlyfe and plank for 7 mins if your heart so desires) but I feel like I need to get into some kind of core routine again so this is happening.  Join in, please!


Whatever you end up doing tonight, I hope you have a happy Happy Halloween!



Any plans for Halloween?

Care to share any scary childhood moments?!?!

Plank a Day - are you in?!

Current Thoughts

Happy happy Monday to you all!  Hope your weekends were all just peachy and splendid.  I have a lot of random thoughts bouncing around this little head of mine, so you will be getting them all right now, in no particular order.  Enjoy!

• What on God's green earth is a "booty like a Cadillac"??  Do I want one of these?  Do I have one?  I ponder this every single time this song comes on the radio, which is like 50x a day

• Taylor Swift's new album drops today and the CD player in my car has been broken for months.  OH THE HUMANITY!  How am I going to live?  TSwift is just my favorite ever, and each time she's released a new album it has played on repeat in my car for weeks.  I suppose I could download it on iTunes like the rest of the modern world but my car doesn't have an adapter so I would just have to turn the volume waaaaaaaaaay up on my iPhone while it sits in my passenger seat.  So bootleg!

• This weekend I stopped in to see Sarah at Charm City Run!  I had a gift certificate that was about to expire and baby needed a new pair of shoes.  So, I did something kinda crazy.  I ordered moon shoes (aka Hokas).  I can't wait to get them!  (However, I'm mildly worried no one will want to be seen with me/run with me in these things.)  I already run in max cushioned standard running shoes (Nike Vomeros) but these take cushioning to a whole new level.  They felt amazing and bouncy on my test run, and surprisingly were extremely light - lighter than my Nikes.  Amazing.  Once I get them and run in them more, I'll give you guys more feedback.

Source/REI

 

• I got all kinds of great things in the mail this weekend.  My mom surprised me and sent me a Graze snack box! The woman is constantly worried I'm not eating enough.  Her famous first and last words each time I see her "EAT SOMETHING!"  Is this an Italian thing or does everyone's mother do this?!  I haven't tried the snacks yet, but when I do I'll let you know what I think.  They are all GMO free, trans fat free and don't use high fructose corn syrup or artificial ingredients.  Sounds legit.

• And I received a recent Amazon order containing my very favorite protein powder in all the land as well as my current favorite vegan bars.  Just goodness to eat for weeks here.

• I just realized that October is nearly over and I haven't had a SINGLE piece of candy corn to date! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  I have no idea how this happened.  Candy corn comes but once a year and my window of opportunity is slowly closing.  I think the problem here is that October just went WAY too fast.  This situation calls for emergency action.  What if all of the stores are already sold out?!

• Every time I go to the library, I pick up this book and then put it down because I know the nightmares it reveals, and I know once I read it I'll try to go full vegan again.  I was thiiiiiis close to checking it out at the library yesterday and once again chickened out.

• There are very few, if any, advantages to cold weather, but I was just recently reminded of one this week.  LESS FREQUENT LEG SHAVING!  Hip hip hooray

• Annnnnnnnnd, it's going to be 75 degrees in Baltimore tomorrow.  I plan to don my swimsuit for my evening run.

That's all folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Have a great day :)


Tell me something random!

Ever run in Hokas?!  Would you?

What's the last piece of great mail you received?

Running for a Cause and Celebrating Life

As I mentioned in my last post, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, and this past weekend I had the opportunity to run in the Women's 5K Classic, a race that benefits breast and female cancer research and education in the Lehigh Valley, PA.  I ran this race with my sister and met a few of her friends there as well.  [A little history:  This was my sister's very first race last year!  She signed up for a 5K training program last summer and this was the goal race.  As you know, she later went on to run 2 half marathons!]

Jillyruns/IG

 

 

The morning of the race was pretty chilly in PA, but I knew I'd warm up right away so I opted to wear shorts and a tshirt.  Being the usual clueless human being that I am, I didn't even think to bring a PINK tshirt home for this race.  Nearly everyone running this race was wearing pink.  The starting line was literally a sea of pinkness.  And then there's Jilly wearing her drab gray Runner's World Half race shirt from last year.  Oh well.  I think it made it easier for my brother-in-law and nephew to pick me out at the finish line! 

 

 

 

This race did not go as well as I'd hoped.  Truth be told, I haven't been training for speed at all this year, and I've been taking it kind of easy since my half marathon last month, however, I finished at least 30-45 seconds slower than I normally run a 5K.  The course was very hilly (my sister said they changed it and it was hillier than last year's) so that was part of it.  [I've also been on a new migraine medicine the past couple of months which has honestly been wreaking havoc on my body!  It's made my workouts and running seem harder and actually made my headaches worse so needless to say, I will be discontinuing it! Anyone else here deal with migraines on the reg?]

 

I started off fast, probably too fast.  My first mile split was 8:14 which is speedy for me.  I then proceeded to POSITIVE split the crap out of this race! Hahahaha.  2nd mile came in at 8:29 and mile 3 was 8:33.  In other words, how NOT to run a 5K.  There were 5 hills in this 3 mile course.  Trying to run fast while also running up and down constant hills is not fun.  By the last hill, I was so nauseous I was pretty certain I was going to puke.  Well, thankfully that didn't happen, but I was not feeling good.  I got some proofs from the race and it's pretty obvious I'm not feeling like a ball of sunshine and rainbows here:

 

 

 

I crossed the finish line and thought, as I do after every 5k, 'Thank God that's over'!

 

Official time:  26:13.  (146/1984 runners; 12/67 in 35-39 age group) And that my friends, is my slowest 5K ever! Yippee! 

 

However, the point of this race was not the running at all.  I ran this race for a cause far greater than a PR.  There were many breast cancer survivors in attendance who walked, ran or spectated, and there were markers along the course dedicated to women who lost their battles against the disease.  That sobered me up real fast.  I am running for people who can't, and for people who may never be able to run again.  There will always be another 5K.  I will have the chance to run, or improve my times over and over again (God willing) but this race was about raising money and awareness for a disease that has taken the lives of far too many women and I'm glad I could participate in that cause.

 

 

In addition to running that race, I had a lot going on back home this weekend.  I took part in celebrating two family members' birthdays.  One was turning 2, the other 89. 

 

After the 5K on Saturday, I headed to my cousin's house to attend the birthday party of one of my godsons.  Watching a 2 year devour birthday cake is up there on the list of most entertaining things ever.  The kid doesn't know many words, but he definitely knows the word "CAKE".  He was literally shouting it out over and over between bites, which then devolved into hysterical joyous giggle fits.  It was outrageously cute. 

 

 

It should really be socially acceptable for people of all ages, and not just toddlers, to dive head first into our birthday cake and eat it with wild abandon.

 

 

On Sunday, my parents invited everyone over to their house to celebrate my grandfather's 89th birthday.  To tell you the truth, I can never keep track of my grandparent's ages, but I had no idea he was that old!  He is still so spry and youthful.  He exercises, golfs and still volunteers at the local library. 

 





 

 

 

He celebrated with cake and like any good Italian, a shot of Sambuca.  BARF!  My Pop Pop has added a shot of Sambuca to his coffee for as long as I can remember.  At every holiday or family gathering, he offers his cherished drink to everyone at the table, and we all refuse.  Nonetheless, everyone in my family always has a bottle of it in their house, specifically for Pop Pop!  The smell alone of that licorice flavored spirit makes me want to vomit.  After cake, my cousins, aunts and grandparents sat around and engaged in some light dinner convo on the topic of Ebola.  Good times.

 



 

Running the breast cancer 5K and celebrating the birthdays of those I loved this weekend made me a little more grateful for my health and my family, and made me say a little prayer for those who are not so lucky.

 

 

If you haven't checked out my last post yet, you can check out Skechers limited release breast cancer awareness products here.



 

Anyone running in any races to benefit breast cancer initiatives this month?

Tell me about your last 5K race!

Who Will You Wear Them For? Skechers for Breast Cancer Awareness

As many of you know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  Breast cancer is a disease that has probably touched or affected many of us in some way.  I personally have two very special aunts who were diagnosed, treated, and defeated the illness so this is a cause that is near to my heart. 

About 10 years ago, I also had a scare of my own.  I found a lump in my breast and admittedly waited awhile to tell my doctor.  Although he examined me and tried to aspirate the lump in the office, he was unable to determine what it was.  I therefore had to have surgery to have the entire lump removed and then biopsied, which thankfully came out benign.  Now, I'm left only with a scar on my left breast and the reminder of how lucky I was back then.  However, there is a fairly strong history of the disease on my mother's side, so I also had to have a baseline mammogram at the age of 30 (most women start screening at age 40), which also came out clean.  So now you know more about my boobs than you probably wanted to, BUT why am I sharing all of this with you?

Well, I was made aware that Skechers was supporting the American Cancer Society this month with limited edition pink shoes and apparel, and now I'm glad to be spreading the word about their Breast Cancer Awareness line with all of you.

A few years ago, Skechers started getting serious about designing sport-specific walking and running shoes and launched their Performance Division.  I think they really started gaining some notoriety in the running community recently when Meb Keflezighi became their sponsored athlete, and ultimately won this year's Boston Marathon in his Skechers GOrun shoes!

For this campaign, I was sent a pair of Skechers GOwalk 2 Flash Awareness shoes.  Here's a little more about these shoes, directly from Skechers:

Skechers GOwalk 2 Flash – Awareness ($69)

Designed with innovative Skechers Performance Division technologies and materials, it's built from top to bottom specifically for walking. Goga Mat Technology comfort insole. Breast Cancer Awareness edition.

• V-Stride technology features unique angled outsole that complements a natural walking gait and promotes fluid stride transitions
• Structured breathable mesh at front for cooling comfort
• Engineered Stability Mesh side panels provide lateral support
• Go sockless - Integrated OrthoLite® anti-microbial sockliner helps inhibit odor and prevent slippage
• Goga Mat Technology cushioned comfort insole
• Resalyte™ Midsole proprietary lightweight injection-molded compound with memory retention helps absorb impact
• Independent circular GOimpulse sensors offer flexibility and feedback for a more responsive walking experience
• A multi-directional traction motif helps enhance footing control

 

 

If you know me IRL, then you know I basically live in sneakers.  True story.  Since I'm a nanny and on my feet all day, my Monday to Friday attire is yoga pants and sneakers.  On the weekends, you can find me chilling in jeans and sneaks too.  It's just how I roll.  Give me a new pair of sneakers and I am like a kid in a candy store.  We all know I love running shoes, but for work and weekends, I need other types of sneakers, so I was super excited to try out the Skechers GOwalks!  So how did they fare?

I am happy to report they are SUPER comfy!  The yoga-mat like material in the insole is insanely cushioned and comfortable.  I often have a problem with sneakers being too narrow in the toe box and I'm happy to report, these have a very roomy, breathable toe box.  My toes were not cramped or crunched at all.  They are super light and flexible, and my feet just feel really good in them.  Plus, I think they look pretty cute with jeans :)

 

Comfort and style aside, it's really inspiring that Skechers designed a line of footwear to support the American Cancer Society.  Having seen several members of my immediate family battle breast cancer, I know what a horrible and rampant disease this is.  It's estimated that 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime.  Anything that I can do to further research for better prevention, treatment and a cure is time and money well spent.  In fact, I actually ran in the Womens' 5K Classic back home this weekend with my sister, a race that supports and benefits breast and women's cancer initiatives (more on that race later).

You can check out the entire line of Skechers limited edition pink-ribboned shoes and apparel here.  The merchandise is available for purchase online or in Skechers retail stores this month and Skechers will be making a lump sum donation to the American Cancer Society this month from sales of these products. 


*Disclosure:  Today's post was sponsored by Skechers but all opinions are my own.


Have you ever run or walked in any of the new Skechers Performance Division shoes?

Has breast cancer affected your life, or the life of someone you love?

2 Ingredient Banana Pancakes

Legends of the mystical "2 ingredient pancakes" have been floating around the blogosphere for many moons, so I decided it was finally time to find out for myself if this mythical culinary unicorn did in fact exist.  The lore, frankly, just seemed too good to be true.

There are a few key features of this "recipe" that set my soul on fire.  First and foremost, you only need 2 ingredients.  I'm sold right there.  As someone who does the bare minimum in terms of cooking and meal preparation, I do not have a fully stocked kitchen.  Many times, I'll come across recipes online I'd love to try, only to discover I don't currently have any of the needed ingredients and frankly, wouldn't even know where to procure them!  (ie. almond flour, brewer's yeast)

In addition, these pancakes are healthy and pack a nutritional punch.  They're low-carb, high protein and dairy free!  Pretty much the complete opposite of your standard pancake, hence the reason I rarely eat pancakes, unless they're prepared by me.  Because there's no flour, they're also gluten free.

Alright so I've been sung their praises on blog after blog for months.  Time to find out if they live up to the hype.  I decided to treat myself to these little gems this morning before work.  Most days I'm up and out the door before 7 so taking a little time to sit down to a  hot breakfast was a really nice treat!  (My normal breakfasts lately have been a bowl of cold cereal or a protein shake.)  With the fall weather upon us, it also just feels like the perfect time to be eating pancakes.

Without further ado, I present to you step by step instructions for this incredibly complicated recipe.

INGREDIENTS:
2 eggs
1 banana (ripe)

 

 

DIRECTIONS:



1.  Mush up your banana with a fork in a bowl.  You should be using a fairly ripe banana for this recipe.  Mush as finely as you can because as noted in another blog, if you don't, you're just going to end up with scrambled eggs, with chunks of banana mixed in.  And no one wants that.

2.  Once the banana is finely mushed (technical term I'm sure), add in your 2 eggs and whisk with the fork until combined.  Your batter ends up looking like this:

3.  Spoon batter onto a greased skillet (I used non-stick cooking spray) and cook at medium-low to medium heat.  I started my first pancake out at medium heat, but by the time I got to my 3rd pancake, the pan was getting too hot and I had to crank it down. 

 

 

4.  Check for browning and that flip that baby to side #2:

 

 

 

5.  You're done!  Top with bit of real maple syrup like I did or anything else your heart desires (fruit, nuts, whipped cream, go crazy) and DIG IN:

 



FYI:  1 banana + 2 eggs yielded 3 large pancakes for me, so keep that in mind if you are preparing these for more than one person or an entire family. 

 

VERDICT:

The unicorn does exist!  I enjoyed not only the extreme ease of preparation of these pancakes, but the 'cakes themselves.  They were YUMMY!  They are obviously not quite as doughy or fluffy as regular pancakes, but they tasted like warm banana bread to me.  Mmmmmmmmmmmm.  Healthy comfort food at its finest.

 

*A tip I saw on another blog suggested adding a pinch of baking powder to make them fluffier.  I may try this next time.  I've also seen suggestions to add vanilla extract for flavor, but I actually really liked the banana flavor.



So, what do you think? 

Will you try the infamous 2 ingredient pancakes?! 

Have you tried them already? 

Sometimes, Life is a Battlefield...

Source/via Pinterest

 

 

Solid truth right up there.  Oh where to begin.  Last week was extremely trying, thus the blogging absence.  I apologize for being MIA, but I was dealing with an extremely stressful situation most of the week and blogging therefore took a back seat.  By the grace of God/the Universe/every guardian angel in the cosmos and me fighting a seemingly endless battle on my own, I came out on the other side.  In the words of Bob Marley, "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice".

 

So many thoughts were going through my head as I struggled last week, some of them productive, many of them not:

 

1.  My first thought was, 'Why me?'.  Why was this happening to me?  I know we all probably ask ourselves this when bad things happen to us, but you know what, 'why not me'?  Unfortunate events can happen to anyone.  [I tend to forget at times like these, that I am also the benefactor of many really good things too.  It's all about balance.] 

 

2.  I often then jump to, 'What did I do to deserve this'.  Also not helpful, and pretty self destructive.  I tend to think that I must've done something wrong to deserve whatever unfortunate event I am now in the midst of.  A wise person from my past once told me this is complete baloney.  I need to keep this in mind more often.  Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason.  Accidents just happen.  Hence, the meaning of the word 'accident'.

 

3.  I also spent my week dealing with a few people who were incredibly rude, dismissive and extremely unhelpful to me throughout the entire ordeal.  I so often try to understand what other people are thinking or try to understand how humans can disrespect each other so much, but these thoughts are again futile.  I was talking to my dad on Friday night relaying some of the conversations I had over the week and he shared with me another great truth - some people simply will not care about you.  It's a big wide world full of millions of people and I know this to be true, but it's completely against my nature to believe this.  I mean, my life's work is built upon caring for people to whom I have no relation, and yet I do, honestly, earnestly and whole heartedly care about them, and generally try to treat every person I interact with with respect.

 

I really think humanity needs to wake up and realize that we are ALL connected. We are all one giant family, and getting ahead by putting someone else down, is really just moving the whole of humanity back one giant step.  Our collective consciousness suffers every time we do harm to another member of the human race. 

 

By the end of the week I was pretty much emotionally drained.  I consider myself to be a strong, independent person, but every once in awhile, in situations like these, I wish I had someone else along side me, not to fight my battles for me, but just for emotional support.  Life can be really really hard going it alone every single day, and although I've proven over the years I can pretty much do anything alone, sometimes I just don't want to.  Sometimes, I just wish I had someone to lean on...

 

Source/via Pinterest

 

 

Annnnnnnd, sorry for the pretty depressing post today, but that was my week and I gotta keep it real on here.  Standard Jill shenanigans to ensue later this week.

 

 

 

What do you do when life hands you lemons?

 

 

 

 



 



 

 

Things I Did & Didn't Do This Weekend

source/Pinterest

 

 

DIDN'T...set an alarm either day.

 

DID...sleep in past nine both Saturday and Sunday.  It had been weeks since I'd done that.  Between getting up with the kids at my sister's the week before and then coming back and working Sunday through Friday this week, I was literally counting down the hours on Friday to when I could get in my bed and sleep with no agenda or wake-up call the next morning.  Heaven!

 

DIDN'T...drink any alcohol this weekend.  Or go 'out' for that matter.  I haven't been feeling 'drinky' lately.  Rolling with it.

 

DID... a lot of thinking about this book that I just finished reading last week:

 

 

DIDN'T...clean or vacuum my apartment.  This prob should have been a DID but Oh well.

 

DID...stop by a new-to-me vegan café - Sprout - for a green smoothie and it was yummy. 

 

DIDN'T...work out Saturday.

 

DID...run Friday and Sunday.

 

DIDN'T...get out my Fall clothes yet or switch around my closet. Still wearing flip flops and t-shirts over here.  This is going to need to happen soon.

 

DID...finally watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and loved it.  The scenery was amazing.  I now want to go to Iceland.  Plus, I always enjoy the sweet vulnerability, humor and giant ears of Mr. Stiller.

 

DIDN'T...enjoy the colder weather yesterday.  Not one bit.  I have 0 use for cold weather.  I'm in Fall denial.  **See state of my closet above.

 

DID...get a random text from someone who saw me on a Veep rerun this weekend!  Remember that time I was an extra on the show last year?!

 

 

DIDN'T...get my hair cut.  I was hoping to make an appointment to do this since it's been over two years since my last one but it didn't happen.

 

DID...however receive compliments on said hair from 3 separate random strangers while I was out and about this weekend so I guess that means it can't be THAT bad?!

 

DIDN'T...eat enough vegetables.  I am craving a giant salad and have no spinach or greens in my house.

 

DID...get a wax.  TMI?!!  Oh well.  I like a good bikini wax.  And now you know.  You're welcome.

 

DIDN'T...plan out the rest of my life, but

 

DID...update my resume!  It's been a year since I've taken that thing to task and though it was annoying, it's done.  Oh how I love reducing my life's work to one sheet of paper. 

 

 

 

So tell me, what DID or DIDN'T you do this weekend?!

 

 

 

 



It's a Confidence Thing

Source/via Pinterest

 

Yesterday, I had to drop off my car for some repairs that are going take a week or two, so I needed to pick up a rental car in the meantime.  The rental company was nice enough to meet me at the repair shop and shuttle me to their location to pick up the car.  The driver was a younger gentleman and we had a nice chat on the ride over.  At some point he mentioned his colleague was picking up the car he thought was going to be mine and it was an SUV.  I immediately just blurted out 'Oh, I can't drive an SUV'. Hahaha So smooth Jilly, really.  He started giggling and said 'Aww I'm sure you can.  It's just a confidence thing.  It's all in your head'.  Wise words my man, wise words.  You see, I drive a tiny little economy size car.  It's petite just like me and super fuel efficient, which I love.  It's totally within my comfort zone and that's the way I like it [TYPICAL].  I don't like change.  I mean, I'm getting better with it in general, but still.  Fear of change is just human nature, but it's something we must overcome again and again in our lives to grow. 

 

Anywhooo, getting back to my story.  So, we finally get to the rental car site and this wise sage drops me off at the office.  After being checked in by another nice gentleman, and having apparently learned nothing from my exchange with the driver, I nonchalantly tell this guy that there's a rumor going around that my rental is going to be an SUV.  'Oh no, he says, we've got you in a [insert large family sedan model here]'.  And once again, I come back with, 'Oh, that's pretty big isn't it? I don't think I can drive that'.  Hahaha what is wrong with me?!  So yada, yada, yada he's handing me paperwork, I'm signing my life over, and we go out to inspect the car.  And I'm walking around thinking this thing is boat sized and ask the man if they have anything smaller.  'No, unfortunately this is all we have today.  You'll do fine.  It's all about confidence!'.  Deja vu and worst student of life ever right here.  I love when the Universe has to SHOUT lessons at me. 

 

So I drive the boat/family sedan/ok, actually normal size car home last night going about 20 mph under the speed limit and acting like I have no idea how to maneuver a vehicle, even though I've been successfully operating them since the age of 16.  As you may have predicted, I survived and made it home in one piece.

 

That night I thought about the eerily similar message given to me that afternoon by two separate people and it was of course, as these things usually are, just right for me at that time.  I am not the most confident person.  Even when doing things I inherently know I'm good at, I still doubt myself, and especially downplay my strengths when talking to other people.  I take modesty and humility to the extreme but I also think there is a little voice inside of me on many occasions telling me I'm probably going to fail. 

 

The thing is, if you don't have confidence in yourself, why should anyone else?  Thinking you can is half the battle.  If you doubt yourself going into something, you're already placing yourself at the back of the pack.  Think about the hiring process for any type of job.  No one wants to hire or place their trust in someone who comes off as unsure and insecure in their abilities.  Why would you hire someone, for example, to paint your house whose best sales pitch is that they'll give it a shot but it'll probably come out wrong?!  In the same way, if you go into a race doubting your training and ability, you're already setting yourself up for failure.

 

Downplaying your own abilities and planting the seeds of your doubt in everyone else's mind will not get you anywhere you want to go.  In running, in your career, or just in your LIFE.  I know this, yet I continue to do it.

 

I'm sure this is part of the reason I have hesitated in taking some next steps in my life.  I like my comfort zone.  Don't we all?  But there is no growth or reward to be had in comfort.

 

The lesson was heeded (for now at least) and things changed as I got back into the rental car this morning.  I stepped into that thing a whole new person, and drove that behemoth of a family sedan like I OWNED that b**ch. 

 

I'm ready world.  Bring on the SUVs.

 

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How self confident are you?

 

What holds you back from being more confident in your abilities?

 

What do you do to boost your confidence when doing something new or hard?