Delirious Musings from my Deathbed

That may be a slight exaggeration.  However, this is my life right now:

 



And this:

 

 

And a little bit of old-school this:

 

I spent half my paycheck at Walgreens in attempt to cure myself of spotted fever or rubella or whatever exotic disease is invading my body right now.  What started off as a 'tickle' in my throat the other night turned into laryngitis (ie. I can't speak...at all) and all over body aches.  It hurt so bad to move.  So that's been fun.  Someone put me out of my misery pleeeeeeeeeeeease.

I guess there was a reason I was craving green smoothies all weekend.  Something was definitely brewing.  You have no idea how much it's killing me that I wasn't able to run outside the past 3 days because it's been 65 degrees here!  Of course, the forecast for tomorrow is in the 40's.  I will often continue my workouts if I have a cold but this was no cold.  I had no sniffles, no sneezing, no runny nose.  I did however feel like I had been hit by a truck and/or a pack of Real New Jersey housewives.  On the work front, try wrangling toddlers without speaking sometime.  Like nailing Jello to a wall. 

I'm so delirious I shouldn't even be blogging right now, but I like to try to post at least 2x a week for you.  So if none of this makes sense, then I'm sorry, and just come back tomorrow.



IN OTHER NEWS:

- Tinder continues to provide me with opportunities to hone my improv skills:

He obviously doesn't share my sense of humor

 

 

- I learned some life-saving information which I'm sharing with you today.  If you ever find yourself the unlucky inhabitant of a free falling elevator car, well then watch and learn as MIT students explain how to survive that one a million disaster HERE.  You're welcome.

 

- I'm finally wearing the right bra size.  My bras have been 'loose' for some time.  What can I say I was in denial/had delusions of grandeur.  Well, recently I popped in to VS to claim my free undies (does anyone else get those coupons in the mail?!) and the nice saleslady asked, as they always do, if I wanted a bra fitting.  Sure, why not.  Just as I suspected, my boobs have shrunk.  How sad for them.  So I thanked her and went on my way, and purchased new smaller bras for half the price at Kohl's.  The End.

 

- I just started following Insta2yearold on Instagram.  It's kind of like Honest Toddler from Facebook, in that they are both written from the perspective of snarky little babies.  If you like kids and find them endlessly hilarious, I recommend both of these accounts to you.

 

- It was Leo's birthday today.  And Buzzfeed may just cure my bird flu with 41 Reasons To Be Thankful for Leonardio DiCaprio Today  I mean, there's got to be a reason we're both still single Leo.  Just sayin'.  Call me

 

- I lost count of how many times Kim Kardashian's giant oily butt cheeks have popped up on my newsfeed today.

 

- If you haven't had enough of my delirious ramblings by now and are looking for even more, then head on over to The Northeast Bloggers Network where I'm the featured Blog of the Week!  Hopefully, my writing in that post is more sound than this one. 

 

 

Lastly, I apologize for giving you two fluffy posts this week.  I am working on some meatier articles (by 'working on', I mean they are still just bullet points in my head), but there was no way I could produce them in my current condition.

 

And I'm off to bed.  I hope I don't die and that I wake tomorrow as the Bionic Woman.  Or just healthy 'ol Bean.  Either will do.  Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

 

 

What do you do when you're sick?

 

Do you have any tried and true remedies to share?!

 

Do you have any idea if you're wearing the right bra size?!

 

 

-