On Love, and The Top 7 Things Your Single Friends Do Not Want to Hear

Source/via Pinterest

I should prob try that

 

 

The title of this here little blog is 'Live, Love, Run'.  I pretty much talk about my life ad nauseam and there's always mention of running thrown in there too, but you may have noticed there hasn't been much talk of love lately.  I mean, I wish that weren't the case, but there hasn't been much to report in that area.  I haven't been doing much dating lately.  There have been some attempts and some dates here and there but nothing exciting to report. 

 

Also I've abandoned Tinder.  Here's a tip: If you want to see where 95% of your city's misogynists hang out, go on Tinder.  I guess I knew going in that it was pretty much a s*itshow and I can definitely confirm for you that is the case!  Additionally, I just read this article yesterday that states if you want to upgrade to Tinder's new premium version they are going to charge double the price if you are over 30!?!?  First of all, I'd never pay for Tinder, but second and more importantly, age discrimination much?!  I thought I couldn't hate Tinder any more but I officially do.  #boycottingforlife

 

Dating is definitely harder in your 30's for many reasons.  The big one for me is that just about all of my friends/family/sisters/relatives are years deep into their marriages and have kids and families of their own.  [I have participated in, attended and planned more bridal showers, bachelorette parties, weddings and baby showers than I can count.  My closet legit looks like Katherine Heigl's in '27 Dresses'.]  This significantly reduces not only the time I spend with them, but the possibility that they have any single friends with which I can mingle!  When we were in our 20's we were all in the same boat - going out, having fun pretty much any time we wanted, and there were lots of single people in the mix.  That just isn't the case anymore.  People are either spending massive amounts of time at their job, or they're at home with their kids and families.

Today I'm going to run down a list of some of the most overused and clichéd pieces of advice I've been given over the years.  If you're single, you've probably heard a bunch of these and rolled your eyes too.  If you're not single, and you're tempted to say any of these things to someone who is, I'd advise against it.  We really can't bear to hear them one more time!

1.  Have you tried online dating? 
This one usually comes from relatives in their 60's and/or people in relationships who have never once tried online dating.  Yes, we've tried online dating.  Anyone who is single in this day and age has tried online dating, and NEWSFLASH it's not some magic pill for finding the love of your life.  It may work for some people but not for everyone.  Do I think everyone is and should be a runner?  No.  There are many different ways to exercise just as there are many different ways to meet people.  Online dating is not the be-all, end-all. 

2.  It'll happen when you least expect it.
Oh I love this one. What does this even mean?! Do you even know what you're saying?  I haven't expected it for years and nothing ever happened.  So I just disproved your tried-and-true theory.

3.  You're not putting yourself out there enough.
Again, what does this mean?! I work, I go to the gym, I hang out with YOU, my friends, my family. I travel. I am not a hermit living under a rock.  Ohhhhh, perhaps you meant I need to 'let it all hang out' and dress more provocatively? Gotcha.  I'll try that.  That's probably a good look for a nanny.

4.  You're not trying hard enough.
Really?  I find this one to be particularly judgmental.  Most of the people I know who say this met their significant other/husband/etc in the normal course of their life.  They didn't have to go through the trials of online dating, blind dates, etc that we do now.  And honestly, I don't follow the school of belief that says dating is just a 'numbers game', ie. the more people you date, the more likely you are to find the love of your life.  If I go out and buy 100 lottery tickets, I'm just as likely to win as the guy who just bought 1.  I know people who barely dated at all and got married young and there are people out there who are serial daters and still not settled down.  The number of people you date really is not relevant.  Would you ever tell someone who was trying to conceive that perhaps they're just not TRYING hard enough?  No?  That would be insensitive and inappropriate, you say? Well, I agree and it's not appropriate here either, so zip it.

5.  You'll get married if you want to.
Ummmmmm, I want to win the lottery.  Like I really, really want to win. Do you think that will happen too?!  Or did you  mean I should consider becoming a mail-order bride because that's a sure thing??  This is another one that doesn't even make any sense.  Just don't.

6.  You're not in the right time/place/etc in your life.
Hmmm.  What exactly is the right place and when will it be the right time?  Cause if you could give me a roadmap or timeline that would be really helpful.  I don't like this one because it implies that we're currently doing something WRONG with our lives and until we figure out what, it's just not going to happen.  So not only are all my dating attempts futile in this current time/place, but now I also have to try to solve some kind of riddle as to what I should actually be doing/living in order to attract a mate.

7.  It'll happen when it's supposed to.
Cliché.  Vague.  Not helpful.  Pretty much meaningless and a waste of words.


I wanted to make this a Top 10 list because it sounded cooler but I couldn't think of 3 more at the current moment!  There are probably a ton I've forgotten or missed here.  Believe me, I've been the recipient of a lot of these over the years.  But the point I'm trying to make is that when we're feeling lonely, or hopeless, or frustrated, we just want to be heard, and listened to.  We don't want to be blamed, or judged, or hear clichéd statements that have no meaning.  Just try being the friend we know you are and listen without telling us that it's our fault.  If you're lucky, we might not make the bridesmaid dresses for our future wedding THAT hideous :)

Source/via Pinterest

Exactly what I plan on doing

 

 

 

If you're single, have you heard any of these?!  How do you respond?

 

If you're attached, what do you say to your single friends?

 



Tinder Tuesday and #YesAllWomen

4 days.  That's all it took for me to become a victim on Tinder.  I was Tindering happily along in my bubble for 3 whole days thinking I was going to be the exception to the rule, and then it happened on Day 4.  The day I received my first overtly obscene message.

I could have just deleted the message, but I chose to call out this imbecile.  What follows is the actual message and because of this idiot, it's NSFW, so be warned.

 

 

As, you can see my retorts were somewhat humorous and tongue-in-cheek, but afterward I began to feel really angry that in 2014, this is still the state of affairs when it comes to dating protocol.  The conversation even continued on a few more lines but at that point he started calling me unattractive (uh, YOU are the one who messaged ME, Prince Charming), and I decided to just block him instead of stooping to his level and getting into an argument.

I don't know if you've been following the Twitter movement the past two days - #YesAllWomen - but it aims to call attention to the misogyny and harassment of women that is still rampant, decades after the birth of feminism and women's rights were supposedly 'won'.  The Twitter hashtag is a response to the senseless shootings in Santa Barbara, CA over the weekend by Elliot Rodger.

My intent in bringing my unfortunate Tinder exchange is not to showcase this misogynist's blatant disrespect and misguided attempt at wrangling my attention, but to start a conversation about how this type of behavior is still even happening among men in this day and age.  ANY girl who's participated in online dating, or heck, just meeting guys during a night out with friends has almost surely experienced this type of sexually harassing behavior, and has come to expect it as just something we need to put up with and weed through. 

There is something seriously wrong with that.  There are even men complaining on Twitter about the attention the #YesAllWomen movement is getting.  Because yeah, being the dominant sex for pretty much the entire course of history has been really rough.

I hope all you women out there are brave enough to call out men you see behaving this way and I hope all the men out there (at least my readers)  have evolved way past the days of banging women over the head and dragging them into your cave.


Have you ever been a victim of any sexually harassing behavior?

Have you participated in or followed the #YesAllWomen movement on Twitter?

So, This Happened...

Logo Copyright Tinder

 

 

I joined Tinder.  Yep, that Tinder.  The 'is this a hookup site?' Tinder.  Tinder of the infamous Kesha song.  Oh that's Timber.  Anywaaaaaaaaaay, I heard Tinder is a lot more mainstream these days plus all the cool kids are doing it.  I also just recently saw on Ashley's blog that she Tinders and she's a nice, sweet girl, so I thought what the heck.  Therefore, on a random, possibly insane, whim this weekend I signed my little self up. 

 

I'm happy to report in the 2 days I've been Tindering along, I've not yet been harassed, nor been the recipient of any lewd messages or naked pics.  THANK GOD.  I have no idea how long this streak of good luck can continue.  Probably not long.

 

If you're not familiar with Tinder, I'll give you the quick lowdown.  It's pretty much the simplest online dating app there is.  You don't even have to fill out a profile!  You sign in with Facebook, but no other users actually have access to your FB profile.  The app just pulls a couple photos in from your profile and that's it.  You're almost ready to start swiping. 

 

Next, enter your zip code and what you're looking for (man/woman, age range) and the app starts feeding you pictures of potential mates.  If you're not pleased with the photo that pops up, swipe left and move along.  If the gentleman strikes your fancy, swipe right.  If both parties swipe right, it's a match!  Then, and only then can you message each other. 

Pinterest

 

 

I like this feature immensely because you have complete control over who messages you meaning you don't get a million messages from random creepy 55 year old men all day long (Oh, is that just me?!). 

 

So far, my experience on Tinder is worlds better than it has been on the other site I was on.  (If you must know it was POF and I would definitely NOT recommend it to anyone.  I am pretty sure all the inhabitants on the fringes of society are on that site and messaged me ad nauseam. You've been warned.)

 

Also you will not believe who I met on there.  Have you heard about the girl who became Internet-famous by drawing hilarious cartoons of guys who sent her obscene messages on Tinder?  If you haven't, check out a link to the story here.  I actually saw this story on social media a week or two ago and thought she was awesome.  Well, I matched with some guy who lives here and IS HER COUSIN!  That's what he told me anyway.  This is the internet, so I have no idea how to verify his story, but in any case, it made my day.  I now follow this girl on Instagram! HAHAHA

 

 

So yeah, I'm on Tinder now.  God help me.

 

For all of you out there who met your soul mate in high school or college, or some other natural life setting, I envy you with every fiber of my being.  I hope you thank your lucky stars every day that you do not have to navigate the insidious minefield that is online dating.

 

Happy Tuesday folks!

 

 

 

 



 

 

Tales of a First-Time Online Dater...

Oh boy.  Where to begin this post?  It's hard to believe I made it into my early 30's without ever having dipped my toes in the mysterious, murky waters that make up the online dating pool, but it's true.  Well, up until 3 months ago that is.  Since this summer is all about self discovery, finding my path and the road to personal fulfillment, I decided to take the plunge.  I signed up with one of the largest sites and decided to try it for 3 months and see what happened.  (1 in 5 relationships start online, or something like that?!)  Now that those 3 months are coming to a close, I'd like to sum up my experience. 

via

 

All in all, I think it was a positive experience.  Unfortunately, I did not meet the love of my life, but I was also lucky enough not to meet any weirdos or creepers (in person that is).  All of the guys I went out with were really nice and pretty 'normal'.  I just didn't feel a romantic connection with any of them.  Most of the dates were pretty standard dinner & drinks but I did go rock climbing on one of the dates, which I thought was a great idea on his part and REALLY fun!  I always prefer doing something active to just sitting around. 

 

I was really excited for about the first month of this experience, but for some reason my enthusiasm drastically waned after that.  I'm not sure why, but maybe it's a hint that online dating is not for me?  I love meeting new people, but I think I prefer meeting people more casually and not in such a 'staged' environment.  I guess the thing about online dating for me is that it seems kind of backwards to the way I view dating in general.  I like to get to know someone in real life first, then decide I 'like' them, and then decide to start dating.  Online dating jumps right into dating, and then getting to know someone, and then deciding whether or not you like them!  Backwards right?!  I know it's worked for a lot of people, even some I know personally, but just like every person is so different, I think our approach to finding 'The One' will vary widely.  Who knows,  I may try it again, this time on a different site, or perhaps in a different city if I end up moving, but for now I need a break.  I am busy trying to figure out my next big steps in life and don't think I have the proper focus to devote to it.  There are too many other things I need to focus on now, and I'm hoping once I find my path, that will lead me not only to the truest expression of who I am, but the person that is right for me as well.

 

via

 

 

Ok, now for the fun part.  I am going to give you a general rundown of some of the biggest 'offenses' I noticed during this experiment.  I don't want to post any real names or photos to embarrass anyone (believe me there were some real gems!) but I will generalize:

 

1.  Your Screen Name - If it resembles any of these - SexyMotherF, DevilRob, CheapSins, ZombieStomper, CannedBeef, ChocolateFudge69, YoungBuck, LadiezMan - No.  You pretty much lost me already.  There is a good chance I am not even going to read your profile.

 

2.  Grammar, Misspelled Words, Punctuation - I can forgive one, maybe two, misspelled words in your profile, but if the entire thing is full of misspelled words, incomplete sentences, text slang (ur for your), incoherent thoughts, words that are not capitalized, and sentences that are missing punctuation, then No.  You either didn't put any effort into writing your bio, or you just have no mastery of the English language and in that case, I am afraid that if we meet in person I might not even understand what you're saying. 

 

3.  One Word Emails - Yes this happened.  I received messages that simply said "D*MN" or "HOT".  Nope.  If you can't craft a thoughtful email consisting of at least a few sentences, this is already going nowhere.

 

4.  Age - If you are OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY FATHER - NO.  It's absolutely not happening.  I got so many messages from guys that were 10-20 years outside my stated age range.  I put it there for a reason.  I'm absolutely not dating anyone that could have fathered me.  GROSS.

 

5.  Selfies - These were all over the place.  Shirtless selfies (tons), selfies in the bathroom (gross), selfies with children in the background. You would not believe how many people's photos consisted ENTIRELY of selfies!  Are you kidding me?  If you can't find two to four decent photos that someone else took of you, preferably in some kind of social setting, then I'm already afraid of you.

 

 

Ok your turn!

 

Have you ever tried online dating?  Any success stories?  Any horror stories?!

 

If not, how did you meet your partner or spouse?