25 Questions to Ask Yourself Before 2014: Part Three

 

Today I answer the last of the 25 Questions.  If you're just joining, I'm linking up with Chelsea at Life is a Sunset this week and taking part in a year-end inventory.  You can get more information about this exercise and also check out Chelsea's and other bloggers' take on the questions via her blog here.  I answered the first and second sets of questions here and here.  Without further ado, I tackle perhaps the hardest set...

21. Who do I need to forgive?  Forgiveness really is a hard art to master isn't it?  Human beings are not perfect.  We make mistakes often.  We say things without thinking, we find it hard to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and we often hurt those who are closest to us.  There are people who have hurt me in the past and I couldn't make sense of it.  It took me awhile to realize the reasons why other people do things is really not my concern.  Once I accepted that perhaps it really wasn't about me, but about them, it became easier to let them go.  In addition to being hurt by others, I know I have also been the antagonist.  I think the most difficult person of all to forgive is yourself.  This is something I struggle with and am working on.  I am trying to be as compassionate to myself as I am to others.

22. Where is it time to let go?  I have let go of a lot this year.  Finally letting go of a career direction that just wasn't working was the biggest one.  I've also let go of some personal limiting beliefs, but there is still some work to be done there.  I've let go of the need to know the outcome, or for certainty before taking action, because I know there is no such thing.  There is definitely more discomfort in taking steps without knowing where they'll lead but letting go is so much better than hanging on to something that is no longer serving you, just because you are afraid to take the leap. 

23. What old habits would I like to release?  I want to become better at being present.  I would say my thoughts for most of my life were focused on either rehashing/reliving the past, or were fueled by anxiety about what might happen in the future.  It's only recently that I've been reading about mindfulness and I've really tried to just "be" in the here and now.  Tomorrow is not promised, so why worry and why put your life off for a day that may never come?  I spend a lot of time around kids, and you know what?  They have mastered this skill without even trying.  When you are a child, you don't worry about tomorrow.  They live and play in the here and now.  Their concept of time is much different than ours.  I am looking to reclaim some of that gusto and wonder for the present moment, trusting that things will work out for the best along the way.

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24. What new habits would I like to cultivate?  I think the biggest one would be taking action.  As I mentioned before, I am historically a staller.  I take forever to make decisions but recently, I've become better at taking action even when I have no idea what the outcome will be.  This has proven to be a successful tactic! I want to keep the momentum going and not revert back to my old ways, because there are so many more things I want to accomplish in 2014. 

25. How can I be kind to myself?  By forgiving myself for past 'mistakes' and knowing they brought me to where I am now.  By staying positive, open, optimistic and peaceful with where I am and not comparing myself to others (this is hard!). 

Well, wow.  I thought yesterday's questions were tough but these take the cake.  There is probably so much more I could have written for each one, but I need to limit this post to a respectable word count :) 

As I reflect back on 2013, it was a year of big change for me and I've learned so much, but in many ways, it was just the start of many new things to come.  I hope that I continue to carry the lessons and momentum I've gained into the new year because there is a lot more I want to do.  2013 was also probably one of the fastest years of my life.  I still can't believe that we are days away from Christmas.  Sometimes my old life seems like it was just yesterday, but then other times it feels miles away.  Is this a sign that I'm getting old?!  Don't answer that. 

I hope you benefited from answering these questions if you decided to dig in and answer them.  If you have any end-of-year exercises that you participate in, I'd love to hear about them.  This is the first time I've ever sat down and put my thoughts about the past year to paper and I think it's something I will continue to do in some form or another going forward.  Thanks to Chelsea for hosting this link up!

25 Questions to Ask Yourself Before 2014: Part Two

And so we are at Day Two of this exercise.  Today, I'm answering questions 11-20 from Chelsea's list.  If you want to link up, or check out her answers to today's questions, head over to her blog at Life is a Sunset.  In the alternative, I'd invite you to just think about or journal your own answers if you're so inclined.

Let's jump in:

11. When did I feel most creatively inspired?  This year for me, it has been when I'm blogging.  As a little girl, I used to love reading and writing stories.  And then somewhere along the line, I began to think of these as trivial pursuits and abandoned them.  I am SO glad I finally decided to stop thinking of all the reasons I couldn't start writing again, and couldn't start a blog, and finally just DID it.  There's that thing about taking action, any kind of action, again!  A funny thing happened now that I am writing - the creative fire within me has been re-lit and some of my other passions from long ago have started to surface as well. I used to be into drawing, painting and crafting when I was younger and lately I have been fantasizing about signing up for an art class.  2014 get ready...

12. What projects have I completed?  (1) Starting this blog.  (2) Training for and racing 2 more half marathons this year - one in which I PR'ed!  (3) Setting the groundwork for a new career. 

13. How have I procrastinated?  Honestly, I have probably procrastinated the least this year than I ever have in my life before!  This year was all about action for me, in so many different realms.  Traditionally, I tend to hold off on making decisions out of FEAR - fear that I will make the "wrong" choice. And do you know what usually happens then?  I wait too long and the outcome is decided for me and without my input, which generally leads to unhappiness.  I've finally seen that making a choice even when you are afraid of not being "right", is far better than sitting back and doing nothing.

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14. In what ways can I re-structure my time?  Come 2014, I'm going to have a lot more on my plate and many more commitments, and I can already see it's going to be difficult to fit everything I need/want into a day.  That being said, I know I need to take care of myself and schedule my workouts, blogging, studying and other 'me' time activities, or my mental and physical health will suffer. 

15. How have I allowed fear of failure to hold me back?  This is a big lesson I learned this year.  And another reason I rarely take chances and hold off on making decisions.  I believe this fear of failure is what kept me in a job that was so misaligned with who I am for so long. I was afraid of stepping outside my comfort zone, but this year I was forced to do that, and what a blessing that has been!

16. Where has self-doubt taken over?  I doubt myself a lot, even today.  I'm better than I was a few years ago, or even last year, however I still have much to work here.  I often let outside voices influence me and my decisions too much, instead of listening to my own inner voice to guide me. When I was in a dark place a few years ago, and decided to run my first half marathon, I really doubted that I could do it.  Even as I increased my mileage and I could see that I was actually running, 10, 11, 12 miles - more than I had ever run before - still I doubted myself!  Now you can see how deep seated this is. I had actual physical proof and I was indeed performing the said task, yet still I doubted!  So, I've come a long way since then, and I credit running as the catalyst that set off this self-work and helped me to become so much more emotionally and mentally strong and confident.

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17. When have I felt the most alive?  Wow, are these questions getting more difficult or is it just me?! There have been many moments this year when I have been so, so grateful to be alive.  And that is saying a lot, because a few years ago, I felt like there was no life left in me.  Some of the moments that stand out this year:  Being present in the hospital when my best friend delivered her first child; Every time my niece or nephew takes my hand, or calls out to me, "Jilly", in their tiny little voices; My PR in the half marathon in my hometown.  Those are just a few things/moments that I will never forget.

18. How have I taught others to respect me?  By finally realizing and proving through some key accomplishments this year, that I know what's best for me.  I think I first had to convince myself of that.  Once I stopped looking outside for answers, I think others started to see me as a more confident, strong and capable person.

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19. How can I improve my relationships?  Many of my friendships and family relationships have grown stronger this year.  After working on myself, I was finally able to communicate more openly with those close to me.  For 2014, I hope to improve my outlook and openness to a romantic relationship.  That 3 month stint on Match.com this summer was an attempt but there's more to be done on the partner relationship front, that's for sure :) 

20. Have I been unfair to anyone? In the past, I believe I have and I am working on forgiving myself for those mistakes.


Wow.  These questions are becoming more difficult, more intimate, and pretty emotionally draining! I feel like I'm baring myself here, but I'm glad to be getting things out.  The only way to start anew is to put it all out there.  Part Three tomorrow.  Until then friends... 



What about you?  Did you find the second set of questions to be more probing?

25 Questions to Ask Yourself Before 2014: Part One

This week I am linking up with Chelsea from Life is a Sunset for her Three Part Series:  25 Questions to Ask Yourself Before 2014.  I have been following Chelsea for some time and really admire the person she is, her courage and positive outlook and the incredible things she has done with her life despite some very difficult obstacles.  I just think she is an all around awesome human being!

I was trying to come up with a way to recap my year, and was struggling with how to put everything down on paper, and when I saw her post last week about asking yourself these end-of-year questions, it struck me as the perfect way weave the past into the future.  There is some good stuff in these questions, which I will be answering in three parts.  So today, I am going to work on Questions 1-10.  I'll be back tomorrow and Wednesday with Parts Two and Three.

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1. What am I most proud of this year?  Surviving, and thriving, through a major life change!  This year I was laid off from a corporate job I had held for 9 years.  Although the first few months were admittedly rough, and I went into panic mode, I eventually calmed down enough to do the inner work that was needed to make some positive decisions and actions towards building a different future for myself.  I am so happy I didn't make any rash or rushed decisions in those first few months because I can't tell you how excited and centered I feel about the coming year now.  One of those actions was starting this blog, so I'd say that's one of my proudest accomplishments as well :)

2. How can I become a better _________?  I'm going to fill in the blank here with the word "human" instead of focusing on a career/job title.  I think becoming the best person you can be during your short time here on earth is the biggest task of all, bigger than any job.  I have been working on myself all year in many ways - reading spiritual and self-help books, blogging out my thoughts, 'attempting' meditation, trying to see the positive in every day and situation, practicing gratitude, adding more variety to my workout routine, eating cleaner, and approaching life in a whole new way - but there is so much more I want to do, and this journey will surely take a lifetime!

3. Where am I feeling stuck?  If you would have asked me this question a year ago I would have said my job, but that is no longer the case.  Actually, I am feeling quite free and open in most areas of my life lately, and am excited for all that is to come.  That being said, there are certain limiting thoughts that stick around in my head, mostly concerning my romantic past/future, and I am trying to let them go.

4. Where do I need to allow myself grace?  I am becoming better with this.  As a child I was definitely a perfectionist, and those tendencies had some destructive consequences, but lately, I am seeing that letting go of being perfect and just taking action, any action, is so much better.  I have accomplished so much more by adopting this attitude when I realize that nothing, and no one, is perfect.

5. Am I passionate about my career?  Yes!  I will be sharing with you soon my plans for 2014 in this area, but I am finally following my heart, and letting my natural talents lead the way.  I believe there are certain things each person was 'born to do' and I'm so excited I finally decided to pursue those things, instead of what I thought I 'should' be doing.

6. What lessons have I learned?  Oh boy, I would need pages upon pages for this one! I've actually mentioned some of the lessons I've learned by answering some of the above questions, but I have learned SO much this year.  It's wonderful what can happen when your world is turned upside down.   Here are a few of the most important lessons I've learned:  The most important voice to listen to is your own.  Positivity breeds positivity; gratitude breeds abundance.  Everything has a way of working out.  There is a lesson in every situation.

7. What did my finances look like?  It was a bit scary this year, not knowing how I would make ends meet, but once again, lessons were learned.  I was finally forced into making a budget and became much more aware of what I was spending.  In addition, my attitude about money is beginning to change dramatically. Working in finance really led me to have a negative view of money, but I no longer feel that way.  I now believe that if you are using your innate gifts for the good of other people, then money, which is just a form of energy, will flow to you to increase your positive influence on the world.  I look forward to 2014 being an abundant year.

8. How did I spend my free time?  Working on myself and helping others, and spending time with friends and family.

9. How well did I take care of my mind, body and soul?  Probably the best I ever have!  Even when I was unhappy with my job or other elements of my life in years past, I was pretty good at taking care of my body, but I tended to steer clear of taking care of my mind and soul.  Those were harder for me to tend to.  I didn't want to do the hard work of confronting what my inner voice was trying to tell me.  It knew all along the sources of my discomfort but so often I would push that voice aside.  Now I am tackling things head on and feeling so much more inner peace.

10. How have I been open minded?  I've come to see this year that life is not a linear path and cannot be viewed in black and white.  Those are two huge changes in my previous thought processes. I've become open to surrendering the outcome and following my heart, and most of all living in the moment. 

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I invite you to link up with Chelsea or just answer some of these questions on your own.  I think it's a nice way to do some introspection on the past year and center your focus for the coming year.